How to create boundaries in relationships

Have you ever found yourself feeling shut out, disappointed or frustrated by the way others treat you. Often times it is our very own family, close friends, coworkers and those closest to us who speak to us and treat us in ways that leave us feeling undervalued or unappreciated. 

This is often the result of not setting boundaries for yourself and without clear boundaries it allows for all sorts of conflicts to arise due to a lack of self love and respect. You may begin to ask yourself, how to create boundaries in relationships that have been a certain way for years. This is where it is crucial to recognize whether or not you have a fear of speaking up for yourself and communicating your boundaries to others.

Step one in beginning to identify that a boundary is necessary.

Ask yourself the following questions:

Do I feel good with this person?

Am I often left feeling hurt, disconnected or alienated after or during an interaction with certain individuals.

If you’ve identified that you indeed feel any of the above, this means that somewhere along the way in your interaction a discord happened within you. This emotional reaction is an indication for you to put your foot down and express that whatever has occurred did not sit well within you.

Expressing your feelings is crucial to not only be heard but also respected. The more we communicate how we feel and how we want to be treated, the more those around us will comply with our boundaries out of appreciation and care for your feelings and experience.

Now that it is clear WHEN a boundary needs to be addressed, the objective is to maintain this mutual understanding between said person and yourself. This is where discernment is crucial. It takes time for anyone to get used to something new, especially when it comes to our emotions and the way we react. If someone is used to treating you a certain way, be prepared for them to revert back to their old ways more than once. This is something that will test your relationship with yourself and with others.

Boundary setting is important for self development and spiritual growth. The more we anchor ourselves in knowing our value and truth, the less room we allow for  others to disrespect and cross our boundaries.

Setting the boundary: Expressing how you feel

If possible address a new boundary as soon as you feel a shift begin to occur within your body. If you start to feel like you’re closing yourself, shielding, getting angered, upset, etc, that is a great time to take a breath and express to the other person how you are feeling. It is important that you speak up for yourself when you begin to feel this shift, to be able to communicate exactly how this made you feel.

In the case that you do not feel capable of sharing in the moment, you can wait until you feel ready to confront the individual about what had occurred earlier.

This is a practice, hence why it takes time to build this and incorporate it into your life. Be gentle and kind with yourself and others as you develop your boundaries, you are bound to be successful, you are bound to be great!

Blessings

Olivia Luna

View All

---